Enough For Now
by ChelseaxQ
Summary: After losing his grace Castiel slowly makes his way to the bunker, resolving to make a confession to Dean when he sees him again. A little one-shot set around 9.03, but with no weird murders and no nighttime angel attack.


So I was feeling kind of bummed today and thought I'd write some Destiel fluff. Well it turned out a little more angsty than I had planned, but at least it has a happy ending.  
Thanks for reading.

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It had been weeks since Castiel's grace had been taken, torn from him in a moment of purest agony. He was finding that humanity was much different than it had looked from afar. It was tedious and difficult, he found tasks like eating and bathing, repetitive and boring. Having no viable means of transportation was becoming a problem as well, he was forced to walk everywhere and his now entirely human form became fatigued so easily.

He had been staying in a camp, a community of sorts for down and outs like himself, they were kind to him, kindness he felt he didn't entirely deserve. Late at night, when sleep eluded him Castiel would think of all that he lost, not in a self-pitying way, but as a means of cataloging what he still had left. He missed his wings, he missed not being hungry and cold and tired. He missed the sense of security his grace had given him, a feeling he didn't recognize until it was gone.

The thing he missed most of though was Dean. Dean's smile and his sarcasm and his bad jokes. He wished he could flap his wings and find himself with Dean, wherever he was. Castiel wondered a lot where that might be. He hoped that Dean was safe. Castiel had been making his way to the bunker, slowly wanting only to stop being afraid, wanting to see Dean again, wanting for one moment to feel whole again. All he could do now was keep moving and keep hoping.

Castiel had always loved him, it was impossible not to, the way their souls were irrevocably joined. He knew, however that Dean was less likely to share those feelings. So he had kept it to himself, all of these years and he didn't know if it was his newfound mortality, but that seemed so wrong to him. Castiel had decided the moment he had gotten off the phone with Dean after the fall, that the moment he saw him, he would tell him. Say the three words that so few people had, and the ones Dean most needed to hear.

It was getting late and Castiel knew that he would have to attempt sleep again, something that had been difficult for him. Someone had suggested he count sheep, confused Castiel made his way to the abandoned bus that would serve as his shelter for the night. Settling in and trying to make himself comfortable, Castiel hoped that sleep would find him tonight. His favorite thing about humanity, while not being the physical act of sleeping, was dreaming. In his dreams things were the way they once were. Before the apocalypse before they had all lost so much, when Dean used to smile every day, smiles that touched his eyes with a warmth Castiel hadn't seen in far too long.

Castiel slept curled up on the cold leather bus seat, face pressed to the grimy window, his dreams were bright and warm and safe and he smiled in his sleep. Many miles away, Dean Winchester was dreaming of similar things, with a longing in his heart to rival Castiel's own. Castiel awoke and the anxiety of his new human life came creeping back to him, wrapping him in its arms, telling him he would never make it to the bunker, that he didn't deserve to feel safe and loved. He was walking down a crowded street when the hopelessness threatened to overwhelm him.

He ducked into an alleyway and collapsed to the ground, trying not to cry. Several minutes passed and the knot in his chest felt like it was beginning to loosen. Head in his hands, trying to gather the strength to stand, Castiel heard footsteps pass him, followed by a tinkling sound. He opened his eyes to see that someone had dropped some change onto the ground at his feet, thinking him a beggar no doubt. He gathered the coins up and got to his feet. There was something he needed to do.

Castiel walked until he found a payphone, a rare thing in today's world of technology. He inserted the correct amount of change and dialed the only number he knew. It range for a few seconds before an achingly familiar voice answered. "Hello?" Dean asked casually, unaware that Castiel drank his words down like a man dying of thirst so many miles away.

A feeling overcame Castiel then, it felt like home, it felt safe, something he hadn't experienced since he fell. Castiel considered telling Dean then and there, he wanted to so badly, but he couldn't. This was something he needed to do in person, he needed to see Dean's face when he said the words. He hoped that Dean would tell him that he loved him too, would smile the way he used to. Castiel just wanted to give Dean an ounce of the happiness he had given him. All of these things stood on the tip of his tongue.

"Hello?" Dean asked again, more persistent than before.

All of these things stood on the tip of his tongue. Castiel breathed in, about to give voice to them when Dean spoke again, so quietly that he could hardly hear him.

"Cas?" he nearly whispered, there was uncertainty and hesitation in his voice, and hope.

And the sound of his name on Dean's tongue, spoken so reverently gave Castiel the strength he needed. He would wait, he keep going and he would find Dean and tell him all of the things he always wished he could. Castiel heard a click as the line went dead and it was okay, hearing Dean's voice, even for the briefest of moments had made all of the difference in the world. It was enough for now.

Castiel hung up the phone and walked away, a smile on his face, and miles away Dean continued to stare at his phone, a feeling, a longing in his heart he had never known outside his dreams. He smiled to himself, a small tentative thing, and the weight he felt pressing down on him seemed to lighten somewhat. And suddenly there was a touch of hope, where before there had been none. Yes, it was enough for both of them.

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Reviews always appreciated. Thanks :)


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